Day Two – Challenged

I have been on Sober Recovery ALL day like a stalker reading through everyone's heartaches, confessions, pain, guilt, shame and anxiety posts just to get me through day two without you, Merlot. It's bittersweet; I don't feel so alone, but also makes me very sad just how many of us that are out there fighting you monsters. It's St. Patrick's Day today. You and I would usually be together even though everyone else chose green beer. I did cheat on you occasionally with beer or vodka, but it wasn't love like my love for you, Merlot. Oh there I go again, just remembering the good old days and forgetting the traumatic pain and misery you have brought to my life. Was there in fact really any good days? I cannot recall one right now...

My 18 year old daughter and I got into an argument this afternoon and all I wanted to do was go to the corner store and pick you up, my beloved Merlot. Beloved? More like monster. Why do I want to invite you back into my home and body so badly when I know the horrible things you do to me. You don't deserve to be consumed by me. I'm so much better than you. You are evil and I refuse to let you back in. **** you, Merlot.

Pouring your beautiful, strong, aroma-filled redness into my oversized wine glass (because that makes it classy right), gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp. Time for a second glass of you. Third, fourth, sixth, what the hell I just lost count. That's when you make me feel like I'm hilarious and I'm the star of the party, but in sober reality world I'm just drunk and nutzzzz. Next you turn me into a bossy, know-it-all bitch trying to fix everyone's issues. I ******* hate you, Merlot.

So while my husband is off snowboarding tonight, I'm home alone with my 12 year old daughter and started to really feel anxiety and heart palpitations and sweaty palms just thinking about my ex. Missing my ex, MERLOT.

So.....I started a new tradition with my daughter tonight :-) I made St. Patrick's Day Ice Cream Peppermint Hot Chocolates w/ Sprinkles. These are GOOD TIMES, and guess what, Merlot....I didn't need you tonight. You would have made me forget that I made these hot chocolates with my little girl and would have had a mess to clean up in the morning, while hungover.

Day Two - CHECK