Day 33 – Eraser

So I had some great news today, my daughter decided to finish high school! I'm super excited! She's still in California right now, in LA, and God gave her another chance. When she called me today, to talk, and not to ask for something, I could hear the excitement and genuine tone in her voice. She told me she was so happy and that she loved me and can't wait for me to come see her. It's a miracle. God puts us in our tough situations to learn and grow. Thank You, Lord, for everything, including the tough times.

The not so great news, I drank. I can't wait to go home to Washington, tomorrow, back to my sober environment. The environment where I choose the new people who I hang out with, not the people I drink alcohol with. This morning I went shopping with my mom. Then she stopped at a liquor store, with me? Knowing I battle this addiction. My mom is super pretty, she looks 20 years younger than she is, she has a million friends, she volunteers her heart and soul out, and she has a secret side; she likes to drink a lot. After she drinks a lot, she becomes very judgmental and wants to fix everyone in the room. Sober, she tries to be a good person and help others constantly. I'm a lot like my mom. At the liquor store she bought a bottle of vodka, a bottle of kahlua, and a bottle of something I wasn't familiar with. I didn't buy anything.

I asked her to stop at Trader Joe's, I wanted to make a yummy salad for my family tonight.
We bought a ton of veggies, feta and Parmesan cheeses, herbs, oils, olives....then she pulled me over to the wine section. Not again. Then at that moment I saw Trader Joe's wine, $1.99 per bottle. You can choose from Merlot, Chardonnay, and Cabernet. I caved. I thought, well what the hell, my own mother wants me to drink. I had 2 glasses of red wine out of that bottle tonight, on purpose, to not be like her. It is hard as hell not to finish that bottle.

My StepDad (who raised me) died almost years ago. My mom is alone. Alcohol is a temporary pain eraser.

Tomorrow, Washington bound.