Day 15 – Drunk Mother

My daughter, 12 years old, is enrolled in a co-op program for her 6th grade education. It's a really neat idea, especially for children that miss school due to a significant amount of stomach aches and anxiety. She is able to learn from the school part time, which is through the public school district, and the rest at home.

The past several years, I would try to be a rockstar mom during the day for my girls trying to make up for my drunken, slurring, and negligent nightly behavior. As much as I wanted to pretend my daughter's anxiety had nothing to do with my nightly drinking, it is clear when I'm sober. I've been sober before, but as soon as I picked up another drink I would immediately go into denial. Selfish selfish.

My role as a mother is imperative to my daughters. I knew it, I was told it, and I read it. The wine was able to make me forget it. I am actually physically witnessing my daughter not have a single stomach ache or any anxiety the past two weeks, as long as I have been sober.

Okay, not beating myself up here tonight, I need to be positive about the accomplishments I made today. First, I was sober! Yay me! Secondly, my daughter had the idea of delivering food and water to some homeless victims in the next town over. Seattle is really bad, lots of homeless people here. It's a wake up call for me, because I know that I share a common disease among those homeless victims out there; alcoholism. I'm no better than any of them. It was a great day because we were able to share our love and nourishment. This world needs more love.