Day 13 – Magic

Here we go, another yuck day. I just didn't want to laugh or smile that much today, and I couldn't shake it. I'm worried about my 18 year old, she's somewhere in California, with whoever, doing whatever, and I don't know when she is coming home. I was in a FUNK today. I had even begun my day by praying, thanking God for this wonderful life He gave me, and I am so blessed and grateful. I asked Him to show me what I need to do, please direct me and talk to me today so I can do good. I had SO much that I needed to do today, I probably got 50% of it done. I guess that is better than 0%. Glass is half full. I'm still not going to beat myself up over days like this, though. I'm not going to push myself back into feeling guilty or ashamed because everyone worked their asses off around me today, while I walked from room to room like a zombie, literally searching for motivation to do something productive. I'm not going to chug several glasses of wine to not feel bad about myself for not being productive. I felt like a magician, I was able to put all my feelings in the wine bottle, say ABRA CADABRA, and all my troubles just disappeared into thin air, until the morning. I really wish that was an option this very moment, but it's not an option, ever. It will never be a way to deal with my crappy, bad day ever again.