AA meeting

I was so upset when I went to AA a few days ago. It reminded me of when I first went to AA and the enormous stress and agony I was going through in my personal life that made me feel compelled to drink.

A newcomer was there. I don’t know if it was his first time or not. When we went around the room he was the first one to speak up. He explained what his life is currently like after getting out of jail and having to be dependent on others, and was in what seemed to be a horribly toxic relationship he wanted to leave, but felt trapped.

After opening up to everyone for about five minutes, the room was quiet for a while. It felt like someone had just told us he his son died or something equally traumatic. It's a good group of people where I go and I figured someone would at least try to talk to him and help him out after the meeting, as I’ve seen them do with the most desperate ones who are new.

The next person to talk started into this long explanation of all the trouble he had caused himself when he was still drinking, too. He went on and on about how he could blame the system, blame his spouse, blame this or that but in the end it was all his own fault he drank and that he was causing all these problems from drinking.

It was obvious he was insinuating that this newcomer was trying to blame everyone and everything else for his problems, including his abusive wife, and other alcohol related consequences with the law. But that he was to blame for everything 100%.

It seemed so incredibly harsh and uncalled for at the time. The guy talking sounded like he was on the verge of tears and desperate for answers about what to do and all the other guy could do was point a finger and judge.

As predicted, the next speaker had the same kind of opinion, since group think is common in there, and then the next guy did the same kind of thing (It's 90% guys where I go for some reason).

It was the common discussion about how selfish they all were, such awful people while they were drinking. They weren't subtle about letting the guy know that they believed he was to blame for everything wrong in his life, too, and his venting about it was just him trying to make excuses for himself.
No compassion or openmindedness whatsoever.

The man left the meeting early, after feeling ganged up on, most likely. I doubt he’ll be back.
It reminded me of when I first went to AA years ago and quit because the one woman I finally trusted and opened up to started giving me the same judgmental attitude.
I told her some of the worst things I was going through that I'd bottled up for too long, some of which weren’t related to my drinking at all.

She completely ignored some of my texts and I started getting this vibe from her and her sponsor, that I was able to snap my fingers and make these problems go away basically, by just deciding to sober up and follow God. After my first meeting. That's how I felt anyway.

It was a long time before I went back to AA, and since returning, I've decided not to follow the program. I'm much happier being there, when I pick and choose what works and what I don't agree with in The Big Book.
I know no one in there knows I'm doing that, but thankfully it gets to be my own business I don't have to share with anyone.